What happens when you cease doubting yourself and you start giving yourself the freedom to be everything that you could ever imagine?

It was in the seeking of this answer that I was compelled to start my own path to liberation, a path that would have consequences both beneficial and unfavourable. As it was my destiny, the realization of my True Nature came gradually and then suddenly without any cause for hesitation. Despite having no external reflection to impart this wisdom or provide guidance of equal measure, I took a devout investigation into finding the Source of whoever or whatever I am.

In one of the many principles of self-inquiry there is prescribed method of negating everything that you are not, listing and categorizing a perpetual series of actions, labels and the like while immediately refusing the limitations they impose upon your essence of Being. As soon as it is given any context, it is immediately discarded. Naturally, this process can be a playful endeavour for the mind as the Nature of the mind is to create distinction and separation where none exists. While this analytical perspective may be advantageous to seekers with a more intellectual pathology, the primary intention of this process is predicated on the basis that you must first accept the fact that you are something and then invariably you will arrive at the shattering conclusion that indeed you are nothing.

In the infancy of my investigation I was challenged by my conditioned beliefs and ideologies. Objectively I could see that my egoic identity was trapped by the convictions of my rational and logical mindset, the constrained vantage through I which perceived myself to be was not only self-defeating but it was perverse in its core. With no alternatives given in accordance to the existing society or cultural involvement, I came to the understanding that the choices of which I had taken to be mine, were in fact not mine at all. The psychological ramifications of being raised from a child to an adult in a society and culture that is motivated only by the need to acquire material possessions and seek an agreed perception of value allocated as currency was something that I could not accept. I was confronted with the fact that I was conditioned to be nothing more than a commodity to perpetuate a system that was designed to continue its existence at any cost, even at the sacrifice of my own well being.

I asked for it, I was seeking it but when I was faced with it, I dared not look at it. Citing the cognitive dissonance in my mind, the entire foundation of my identity was built upon a mountainous series of fabrications that were as far from the Truth that you could ever go. From the identifications to my biological structure, my gender role in society and the predetermined placement of my position in social relations, I was just a cog in a machine. While my false identity was being enabled in every instance, I was also enabling the false identities of all those existing in my surrounding. The absurdity of this creation became apparent, but the extent to finding a way out of it was dismal.

“Coming to this crossroad, I had to be honest with myself — do I want the Truth more than anything, what would I be willing to do to get the Truth and when the moment came when the Truth was presented, would I accept it or reject it?”

As my underlying conditioned mind was revealed to be an intricately woven web of mistaken identifications, misconstrued concepts and unchallenged answers to existential questions that I never had the opportunity to ask before they were given, I took to dismantling every subjective interpretation of my self-identity. Given the assumed risk that I was re-programming my mind, I knew that from this point on I couldn’t go back and so I proceeded to make every movement forward. In the metaphor of computing technology I was replacing my operating system with an upgraded version. I couldn’t erase the entire history of my conditioned mind because this would result in the absence of any continuity and the understanding that I have come to realize at this point. Eradicating the unnecessary I started with forging, a stable and strong foundation to re-create myself in the image through which I was compelled, driven no longer by the bondage of insecurities and fears but now with the inexhaustible desire to fulfill my highest excitements.

Choosing ascension over complacency, I started to “redefine” myself and this manipulated the filtered projection through which I perceived existence. In the integration of a new perspective, now I could see the futility in capturing an expression of life within the framework of a dead structure. Rather than conforming to an idealized system through which I had no choice in the participation or creation of, now with a solid basis of comparison I enabled the potential to embrace the uniqueness through which I functioned. Our existing societies have their roles of distinction which reward and merit those who continuously give value to it. Indefinable by every measure I no longer took vested interest in being validated socially or otherwise and in doing so I reclaimed my power, giving myself the liberty to create an existence absent of all imposed values, ideologies or beliefs.

Entering a new territory of expansion and imagination, apart from the laws of relativity, there were no longer any limitations in what I could do or could become. In this clarity of vision, I acted in alignment to manifesting my thoughts into my reality, however absurd or mundane, I created the necessary experiences to evolve and expand. The blank canvas was ready to be painted and with the freedom to create whatever I desired, I put paint to brush and brush to canvas. Once restricted to colouring in the lines, now I painted with the encouragement to discover the uncharted and unknown. The process of destruction became a process of creation, of renewal through death. Utilizing the boons of these timeless attributes I integrated their essence and applied them in every step that I watched myself take.

After several decades of living in the cage of conformity I set out into the world to express myself without the need for explanation or acceptance. And instead of finding the answer to my initial question, the absence of the mind was acknowledged, the apperception of the immovable was accepted and conversely the necessity for the question ceaselessly disappeared. This was the end of suffering and the beginning of living life awakened. ~ ༺ 𝓖